Three Tries Later

i honestly don’t know what my life was like before sweatpants devin

… the truth is, these savages have an innate sense of delicacy, say what you will; it is marvellous how essentially polite they are.

At length, by dint of much wriggling, and loud and incessant expostulations upon the unbecomingness of his hugging a fellow male in that matrimonial sort of style, I succeeded in extracting a grunt.

A pretty pickle, truly, thought I; abed here in a strange house in the broad day, with a cannibal and a tomahawk!

Better sleep with a sober cannibal than a drunken Christian.

Ignorance is the parent of fear … .

… there is all the difference in the world between paying and being paid. The act of paying is perhaps the most uncomfortable infliction that the two orchard thieves entailed upon us. But BEING PAID,—what will compare with it? The urbane activity with which a man receives money is really marvellous, considering that we so earnestly believe money to be the root of all earthly ills, and that on no account can a monied man enter heaven. Ah! how cheerfully we consign ourselves to perdition!

I abominate all honourable respectable toils, trials, and tribulations of every kind whatsoever.

I compare [having children] to becoming a vampire, your old self dies in a sad and painful way, but then you come out the other side with immortality, super strength and a taste for human blood. At least that’s how it was for me. At any rate, it’s complicated.